i woke up this morning after an enjoyable 9:30. when you have class and work six days a week, sundays really are a breath of fresh air. although it's probably most beneficial to try and get as much as you can do in the one day you have free, sometimes it's just better to mosey on through the day. that's what i did.

liz and i got together this afternoon to study for our upcoming exam on tuesday. and then my heart broke.

when i stayed with hannes and his parents in january i really grew to love them and they hold a very dear place in my heart. they will forever be my friends and i appreciate all that they did for me when i was at my lowest. it was never openly discussed with me, but i knew that hannes' mom had been sick in the past. with what, i never knew. today liz told me that she had lung cancer a couple of years ago. everything had been fine leading up to just recently. she passed away on thursday. and i feel so bad. they are the greatest people and they didn't deserve this.

i last talked to helmut and angelika in august. i never would have guessed that it would have been my last. i actually haven't had to deal with death that much in my lifetime yet, but oh my god, it's awful. life is full of unexpected surprises and complications. this is a setback. and right now a good cry feels so good.

i got home from work early, and after a short break to collect myself after a day of classes and work, went to work with alex and bailey on preparing food for tonight's grey's anatomy season premier party. alex made pasta with homemade sauce, i roasted garlic, and apple crisp ensued right before season three started.

in all, i think there were around 12 of us. i think only two people were no shows. but i guess that's ok, seeing as how hilary's late arrival resulted in her getting a floor seat.

i think we were all kind of underwhelmed with the premier, but i'm sure it'll pick up as the season progresses.

i'm kind of proud of myself. months back i told people that i would have a grey's anatomy party-- not really ever contemplating throwing one. and it happened. i just keep rackin' up the points.

this rain sucks. and i'm so tired now that i'm at the point where i can see better when i have only one eye open. that's a good sign, right?

if there was ever a moment in my life where i could stand back and really be proud of my accomplishments, today would be the day. nothing of extraordinary significance happened today, or anytime recently for that matter, but looking at my overall life and where i've gone and what i've done over the past year or so...it's pretty great.

sure, there's the Germany thing. it's still cool-- it always will be. how many people can list an internship (in their field of study) in a foreign country on a resume? yeah, not many, but i'm one of them.

but i feel like there's a whole lot more. i'm still waiting for a decision about last week's design job interview. if i get it i'll be thrilled. not only would it be normal, decent hours, but it would give me a chance to actually get some real world experience before graduating. just thinking about all of the stuff i could put in my portfolio would be compensation enough. (but alas, my parents are not made of money and i need an income to finance this education and the roof under which i currently reside.) it's been two months, nearly two and a half now(!), since i applied for that job. i have no idea how many applicants they had, but it feels good to know that i made the cut for an interview. even if i don't get the job, i'll have the satisfaction that at least i was good enough to be considered. i'm sure there were applicants who didn't get interviewed. so at least i'm somewhat decent, right?

i feel like part of my design self died while i was abroad. even at my internship i feel like i wasn't ever doing anything really creative-- more or less just grunt work. i really haven't designed much for the past year. so of course part of me was a little hesitant to get back into the swing of things. but i feel more confident than ever in my work now. confidence is key. i'm slowly learning that.

so even though i am back at school, painfully single, and harboring a festering pile of bacteria in my body in the form of a cold...i'm content. (2 points for me.)

this is the third week of classes, right? i've lost count. life's too hectic.

aside from waking up this morning and being able to breath through my nostrils(!), i went to studio in st. paul with my logo roughs on my ipod ready to show kris. before he came around i looked around the lab to see what other people were doing. shit. that's basically what they were making. even though mine isn't complete, i feel so confident about my design. and confidence is awesome. that, and people dress like slobs in the class; i feel so well dressed. bonus point.

sometimes do you ever have moments where you think to yourself "how bizarre?" like i was sitting around before thinking about how weird it is that most of the clothing we wear is made from plants. and the shoes we wear on our feet...the soles are basically made out of oil. seriously, how do people come up with stuff like that? and why can't i invent something and become rich? i need to work on that.

after a trip out to Punch (this time to the lake calhoun location) i sat down and got serious. i came up with this. and thanks a lot to alex for introducing me to neutraface...the perfect typeface i can't afford. there's still work to be done, but it's getting there.

can anyone guess what this is supposed to be?

last night bailey and i went to go see The Last Kiss-- zach braff's newest creation. we've been planning on seeing it since we first saw the trailer back in june sometime. so it was finally good to go, and just to spend a little time alone with her. i feel like even though we're finally together in the same city we don't actually have much opportunity to see each other.

as much as i want to be with someone right now, after seeing that movie, i'd rather be single. it seemed like every couple in the movie was going through a crisis. and everyone just ended up being hurt-- save for zach braff's character (michael) at the end of the movie, who is only taken back after spending days on end sitting on the front porch. i guess being in a relationship is a win/lose situation. i'm sure when it's good it's grand, but when it's bad it can be horrible. and getting so close to someone only to have them hurt you, or even, if you hurt them is not something to look forward to. but it's a part of life.

i've been awake for nearly 45 minutes already. i woke up gasping for air. i'm ready to not be sick anymore. since i've been up i've been looking through old photos and listening to the same song on repeat. i can't believe it's been over a year since i first left for germany. a huge part of me wishes that i was still there. but i am definitely glad to be back here. i love berlin so much. sometimes in my dreams i can vividly picture the city, the subway, and the streets in my mind as if i never left. the city will forever be a part of me. and for that, i am most grateful.

go figure that in week two of the semester i manage to wake up to inflamed sinuses. i feel like my brain has slowly been expanding inside my skull all day long. i hate my life.

i took some pictures of the Weisman this afternoon. i think we're going to put this one up in the living room.

tomorrow is supposed to be around 80. monday is supposed to be a high of 45. is that considered fall? i just instantly think of a very mild winter. tonight was one of the few days in the past week and a half that i've come home from school before 10pm. i'm so tired. and it's 10:30 and i'm going to bed. that hardly ever happens. simple pleasures tonight.

today was a big day for crap coming to the market. i've been obsessing about the season 2 grey's anatomy coming out since i got back from germany in february. finally! i can catch up on first half of the season that i missed while being abroad. that, and apple came out with a handful of new toys. none of which i can currently afford, go figure. john mayer came out with his new cd, which stefanie gave me tonight.

i'm a little concerned with the graphical direction apple is headed in. everything is angular and shiny. damn it, so shiny. everything and their damn reflections. and i see it being repeated in other shit in completely different markets. hell, i even saw an example of it on a university webpage today. i guess good taste doesn't fall far from the tree. (ha! that was my zing for the evening.)

and justin timberlake came out with his sophomore album featuring "Sexy Back." obviously he had to bring it back because someone stole it after i originally brought it in the first place.

damn, i'm awesome.

if you have david gray's "life in slow motion" i highly suggest you listen to it. like right now. stop everything and do it. it's wonderful. especially in cold, cloudy weather.

my craftiness never ceases to amaze. total cost of this project: about $5. 1.40 for the frame which i purchased at a thrift shop and $3.50 for the mounting board. already had the paint. it's my own drawing. i'm that awesome.

life would be easy and a rich relative of mine would have kicked the bucket years ago. but of course you can't sail through life and we all know that no one in my family has a cent to their name. if it's the experience in your lifetime that make you who you will be, then i have to say that i'm in pretty good shape.

school's in full swing and i'm managing just fine. amount of hours worked this week? 8+5+2+3+4=23! and i'm still sane! i looked long and hard for an apartment with a money tree in the backyard when we scoured craigslist back in july. alas, no success. i'm pretty sure money trees are most commonly found in zones 2 and 3 of the united states. fuckin' minnesota and your harsh winters.

part of me feels indifferent about graphic design at the moment. i know it's what i want to do when i grow up, but i feel like i could go to several other places and get a better degree. in the end, graphic design comes down to personal skill and creativity. either you've got it or you don't.

the prospect of interning at Random House next June is still in the forefront of my mind and i'm sure it'll stake its claim there until next June comes around and either i'm there (cuz i made the cut) or i'm not (cuz i suck). I really should check into flights to new york. and also flights to paris. anna and i have been throwing around the idea of traveling after spring semester. she's never been to europe and i'd like to visit hannes in france. i think a parisian excursion could be arranged. and in my perfect world i'd go to paris, come back to the country and intern in new york, and then fly back to minneapolis once the internship is over in mid-august. but that's far from possible. it doesn't hurt to dream. or win the lottery.

i was introduced to the missed connections section of craigslist a couple weeks back by a co-worker of mine. some of the posts are just plain crazy, some are sentimental, and yet others are obscene (mostly cyclists vs. drivers). i think the desperately single side of me is hoping to find a post looking for me at some point in time. but would i really be interested in anyone who thinks random postings online will find me? hopeless romantics, i guess.

i can settle for that.

really, if you haven't started reading them, i highly suggest that you start. and obviously we're all so desirable that we're all being searched for. find yourself.

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/mis/

i left the house this morning at 7:30. that means i woke up at 6:30. i had three stupid classes. then a break. then i worked for five hours. then i tried to get home, missed my transfer and ended up walking 12 blocks. and i got home at 10 tonight. such a long first day of class.

and i have to go back tomorrow. :-\ studio and a lab and then a fun bike ride with Liz.

oh yeah, New facebook: you suck.

it is with a heavy sigh that i sit down to write the last blog entry of summer. i don't know what's more mind boggling: the end of summer or the beginning of school. both are actually kind of a downer. i spent my last day at work. at least i managed to avoid people for a majority of the day. and got paid time and a half to boot. yessss.

i feel like i'm returning to school much more of an adult than when i left a year and a half ago. it seems like ages since i was last a college student. i have to admit that i love the idea of being back to school; having class with friends, living for the weekends; late nights/early mornings, whatnot. but that fantasy never comes true and you end up being a disgruntled student solely dependent upon coffee to keep you alive. and that's not even october yet.

i give myself credit for returning to school. initially when i filled out my leave of absence form i left my expected return date blank. i had such high hopes for myself before i got to germany. i would have loved to gone to an art school in berlin, but i know i wouldn't have been happy there. and i'm thrilled to be back here on my old stomping grounds here in minneapolis.

i'm so glad that i got to spend my summer up here. even though i'm still living off of pennies (sometimes literally) i'm glad i took the initiative to leave the nest early and fend for myself. things may be financial rocky for a couple more weeks but i've been working like a madman lately. it'll pay off soon.

i should be thankful that i've been working at 8 am most days this summer. so maybe class at 8 four times a week won't be so painful. class starts tomorrow at 8:15. and it maybe be the longest day ever. i have a break from 11-12:20 and then another one from 2:30-4:30. and then i'll work until 9:10 and mosey home around 9:30. college: it's a mother fucker. (hmm...the Mac OS X built-in spell check thinks that "fucker" is misspelled. i find that oddly hilarious.)

to usher in the start of a new school year i decided, after weeks of all talk and no action, that it was time to buzz my hair off. so yes, it's buzzed. and i finally did it.

thanks, anna.

:::edit:::
i got into alex grill's car and the first thing he said was "you look a cancer patient." and in this particular picture i have to agree. look at them cheekbones!

after whoring myself out to the various departments at the University this week I am ready to go to bed at 8:30 on a friday night. school hasn't even started yet and i'm already exhausted. really, this entire summer has been exhausting.

i left home in june after a falling out with my mom and didn't really know whether or not i would ever really be welcome back home again. a month after i left i flew back home for my dad's wedding and stayed at my mom's house. at the end of my time back at home i had managed to get in another quarrel with my family. and then i just kind of gave up and focused more exclusively on my life here in minneapolis.

and then there was the whole grief of finding a job. if there was anything i've learned from this summer, it would be to never quit your job in the middle of summer without having a new one lined up. cuz you'll probably be pretty poor by the time you get a new one. i am glad that i got to spend a summer up here though. i'm grateful that we got to find this house-- i love being here and i love coming home at the end of the day.

i've biked more than i ever thought i could. how much? definitely over a thousand miles. it feels good to keep one more car off the road and be independent of gasoline.

i discovered that i have a knack for being handy around the house. and that's really cool. if only my bank account was larger. magic could be done, i'm sure.

i'm working both sunday and monday and then attending an end of the summer get-together before classes start for me at 8am on tuesday morning. winning the lottery would make life so much easier right now.