i left home on bad terms with my mother yesterday morning. my continued dislike for the man she is seeing apparently gets her panties in a bundle. it's not even dislike! if anything, i would describe it as just disinterest. i mind my own business when he's around and apparently that's rude? i don't know.

continue my streak of bad luck i arrived in minneapolis after a turbulent hour-long flight only to wait at the luggage carousel for over an hour until i lost all patience and went to the Northwest desk and claimed my luggage as lost. i left the airport with only a stupid $25 coupon for my next flight, my laptop bag, and a stomach churning acid at full speed. only crap like this can happen to me. (united also lost my luggage when i moved to germany in september [twice in one year! can you believe it?].) i spent the evening constantly calling the baggage information system to check the status of my suitcase. even though every time i called the status of my bag was unknown, i loved calling the number. it was all voice activated. aka: mega super awesome!

i woke up this morning in a mini-pool of sweat (why the hell must it be 85 degrees at 6 in the morning!?) and could not fall back to sleep. partially, i think, because of the heat; but also, my stomach was on empty and my nerves were still on edge. i left for work after taking a shower...and that's basically all i was able to do. i managed to use an old stick of deodorant so old that the little plastic base on the bottom was ripping off skin. and i ended up putting a roommate's toothpaste on my finger and rubbing it on with my teeth. i feel disgusting.

the courier service called me half an hour ago and set up a time to schedule a delivery. i'm taking half a day off of work and going home to wait for my suitcase to arrive. and then i'm packing up my stuff and moving on out into our new place.

i've been thinking about a lot of things since getting back home this afternoon. so much so that it's now 1:18am and my mind is going crazy.

1. i think i've outgrown my family. it's fine talking to them on the phone, but in real life i question how i ever grew up in this family. from the way they talk to the way they eat, and especially the music they listen to, it all drove me crazy today. no one is like me. i bear no striking resemblance to anyone in my nuclear family. i have much better taste in music than anyone. (the ride home from the airport consisted of heavy rock and country.) i whipped out my ipod as soon as the wheels started rolling.

2. my family really isn't a family anymore. my sister lives an hour away; i'm five and half hours away. my brother will continue to leech of my mother for who knows how long. i can count the number of times we are all together in a year (most likely) on my two hands. is that weird? i think that's weird. i feel like i'm going to be the only child with a real career. and as a result, i feel like i'll become even more of an outsider.

3. my sister is moving in with her boyfriend this weekend. he's smitten with her; her equally so with him. my family approves. he's a nice guy. i'm 90% sure that they'll get married at some point down the road. and here i am: still single. i'm fine with that i guess. but it'll be weird when the day comes that i'm attending my sister's wedding. i don't see myself marrying for at least another decade, if not longer.

4. my dad is getting remarried this weekend...to a woman i don't really know all that well. i guess i have excuses-- i've been out of state and abroad the entirety of their relationship. she's a nice enough lady and i approve. but it's kind of weird, isn't it? i hardly know my stepmom.

5. stefanie and i saw on old yearbook staff member tonight. she greeted stefanie with a warm smile and a salutation. i got nothin'. it was always a personal goal of mine to say hi to people after high school. for the most part i've been pretty good about it. but most times people don't say hi to me. people think it's because i've changed a lot. that might be the case, but part of me is afraid that i'm not approachable. i was nice in high school! we'll go with the dramatic weight loss.

6. friends are great. i saw stefanie tonight for the first time in eleven months...and it was like we just saw each other a couple weeks ago. so much to catch up on. she's leaving for illinois tomorrow morning and i won't see her again until a group visit sometime this fall. but that is what true friendship is all about.

7. my brother apparently takes it upon himself to house his friends in my room. i will admit, it makes sense since i have two beds. but i also have my belongings in here. and private stuff that i don't want people touching. i wouldn't go through his room if he moved out of the house; i don't smoke pot.

8. i know i'll be a good designer. i just know it.

9. i can't live anywhere smaller than the Twin Cities. i never had the mindset of staying there after college, but now that i've been here for the summer i adore mpls and could easily see myself staying there for a while...assuming that i find a good job. otherwise i'll probably move out to the east coast.

10. on my flight home this afternoon i ended up sitting next to some guys from an investment firm in phoenix. and they were the most annoying "men" i have ever seen; basically 35-year old frat boys. what is their appeal? they're annoying and irresponsible, yet women desire them? i don't get it. what about tall, slim graphic designer men? we're sexy too, damn it.

11. i saw the most emo chick ever on my flight today. dyed red hair with black tips. gallons of mascara on. a ripped shirt with skulls and cross bones. the standard lip ring and a tube of brown lip balm. (brown? is that emo?) what struck me as odd was the fact that she had checked on a bag of golf clubs as part of her luggage. do the emo's golf?

12. i'm a catch; people just don't realize that yet.

13. we move in less than a week. and i'm excited for pancake baking in my underwear.

i'm leaving tomorrow to go home for the rest of the week. why is it that i get another call from a second banana republic for an interview?! oh well, i shouldn't complain. i guess the fact that both of the ones i applied to are interested means i'm probably qualified for the job and have a decent chance at getting hired.

another week and i might have another job. and a new house. and a new lease on life. no more opium den.

hooray.

Dearest Target corporation,

sincerest thanks for the best fireworks show i've ever seen last night.

Best,
-Michael

on a side note, i'm flying back home this week! most of my friends will be at work, but that should afford me ample time to go down to the lake and read a book. or sit in cafes. or just chill with my family-- momma took off the majority of the week. and i'm getting my hair cut; i'm thinking about getting it buzzed off.

and we're moving in 9 days.

and when i get back to minneapolis i have an interview for the banana republic: hello, 50% off.

i just realized last night that i am completely an adult now. rent, bills, the whole sha-bang. never living at home again. gross.

i wish living your parents until the age of 40 was socially acceptable. that would make life a million times easier.

i talked to aaron and decided to bike to his work (in roseville) in order to get a free frappacino. holy shit, i've never been more sweaty in my entire life. and i hate the fact that the railroad tracks make it nearly impossible to go north. i ended up back tracking like 2 miles.

huge sweat marks all over.

but the frappacino was deliciously free. and afterwards i went to the grocery store and splurged on fancy cheese.

and i have off tomorrow.

and alex, i figured out that the place next to me is some sort of retail/rental business who specializes in all sorts of lighting equipment. go figure.

why must it be so hot? why can't the heat just let up for one day?

even though i yearn for summer heat for 3/4 of the year, once it's here i have no interest in being outside or sweating profusely. why is that? it seems like it's a pattern in my life to want what i can't have...and once i have it i no longer want it. i think i just like looking forward/counting down/expecting something. if anything, these hot summers have convinced me that i could never live in the South. (wait, why did i just capitalize "the south?")

it seems like most people i know, as well as an overwhelming majority of the people who attend this school, are lucky enough to have their parents pay for some of their schooling/living expenses. and then i think to myself, "damn it, these college loans are going to be with me for years to come."

i just wish for once that i'd get a break from having to try so hard. while alex and i were together last night i came across a graphic design position open in the College of Liberal Arts and i am hoping (more so than i have in the past weeks of job searching) that i get this job. it's basically perfect and i know that i'm qualified.

please, give me this job. and on a silver platter to boot, thanks.

...of the fact that on any given evening i can walk down to the banks of the mississippi river and enjoy a good book?

i need a glass of lemonade.

after tossing and turning in bed last night i finally dosed off around 1. maybe 2? i don't remember. hot temperatures and extreme humidity mixed with fears of forever being unemployed and all flowed into my room through the opened windows and kept me alert for what seemed like hours.

i woke up this morning at way too:early am (5 sounds familiar) and knew that it was too early to get up. but then it was 7:30 and the jack hammer was hard at work down the block building ugly condos right next to 280 (alex, you know the ones i'm talking about. [not only are they ugly, but they're are ruining my REM cycle.]). and there were clouds-- the kind that look like they're ready to release torrents of rain...but not until you walk out the door (without an umbrella).

i went to the union and found a great job online that just opened at the Walker yesterday. so i took extra care to make my resume, cover letter, etc. extra design-tastic in hopes of impressing the folks at the contemporary art museum. i am crossing fingers for this one. (i've crossed fingers that are already crossed about a million times over in the past couples weeks. when everything is over and the dust settles i presume that my knuckles will be in knots.)

i stopped by the bookstore and talked to some old co-workers and picked up an application. an hour later after getting caught in the rain (with a book and my laptop in my only semi-waterproof backpack) i got a call while driving on the interstate. then another. i checked my messages and i'm going back to the bookstore tomorrow at 10. making money! that 30 second voicemail made my life so much easier.

and then the sun came out. and the water evaporated. minneapolis turned into a sauna. and then i cussed that i was dumb enough to wear jeans. and i baked all the way back to campus.

good bye, ulcer!

let it be known that this will be my week. i've decided. i am going to get a job. i am going to see bailey this weekend. and i'm going to start ignoring the growing ulcer that is currently causing havoc on my digestive system. i'm all about healthy doses of stress, but it's been three weeks of constant uncertainty that i am ready to rid myself of.

job. friends. no stress.

that is how it's going down, damn it.

on a side note: i went to talk to my advisor this morning. he was like "oh, i see you're taking Dutch this semester. are you sure you want to pursue your graphic design degree? maybe you should look into doing something with languages or linguistics." i gave him a blank stare. i could not imagine doing anything other than graphic designer. then it hit me: i am a graphic designer. i love moments like those.

ever since living abroad and dealing with multilingual people on a daily basis, it's come to my attention that only knowing two languages is sooo lame. although spanish would be pretty useful since like everyone and their brother in the world speaks it, i have absolutely no desire to learn it. i think it's just too different from german. last night my friend alex went online and enrolled me for Dutch. I figured, "what the heck, it's basically like english+german." and i'm pretty decent at both of those, so why not?! plus alex will be in the class, which would be a nice little comfort. he said it would be beneficial so when we are assigned speaking activities we can both be the wives of a progressive, dutch couple.

woot.

i'm tempted to just poke a bunch of pretty girls on facebook and see which ones poke back.

so i had a job interview this afternoon, and though the interview went well, i'm undecided as to whether or not (if offered a job) i would want to work there. although i would be working for a great cause i'm just afraid that their goals are nearly impossible to fulfill. even though it's a start-up non-profit, it pays decently. but i'm really afraid that if i take it and it goes under that i'll just have to look for another job in a couple months.

so now i sit and wait.

on a good note, i think we found our house for the year. and instead of moving in in september we might get to move in august. good bye, shitty sublet!

monday morning. i've been here before. cloudy, but now the sun's coming through and i'm sure it'll be warming up to sweltering hot temperatures in a couple of hours. my eyes are bloodshot. my stomach is in knots. i couldn't fall asleep last night and someone woke me up at 6:30 this morning. and then someone else started mowing their lawn at 8! too early; and on a monday morning to boot.

we might be signing a lease this week. oh, f'ing responsibility. more money for a security deposit. god, i'm becoming so poor so fast.

i just want to be done with my job interview. and then win the lottery.